I've heard the saying before that if you think you know a perfect family you don't know them very well. I'm gonna tell you right now, if you think I'm so great at it, you'd better think again.
For the entirety of our 10 years of marriage, my husband has had crazy, unpredictable schedules. He has never been able to attend events as planned, seriously NEVER. Christmas, Thanksgiving, my birthday...I ALWAYS have to plan with him in mind, but with the expectation that he will not be there.
For at least 8 years he has been driving tow truck, the last two of those eight have been heavy haul. He has been on call 24 hours a day 5 days a week(sometimes 6) for the last 5 years! I'm not going to sugar coat it, it sucks!! It wasn't so hard or so heart wrenching before we had kids, but since we had our first, my life has been a rollercoaster of emotions centered around his schedule.
I was able to hold it together on my own, I found things to occupy my time. Although looking back at my journals there are definite time where I had breakdowns of loneliness. I was however able to weasle my way into ride alongs now and again, even if it meant I had to do some work. But with kids, we can't exactly do that. Picture the frezy that would cause...."Baby Wearing Mom Assists with Tows".
So what if I take my kids places ALONE all the time? It's been that way from the beginning so I don't really know anything different. My husband even left the hospital when our first sone was only a few hours old, so he could complete a training class for work. It's just what we do, it's our family dynamic and I have just lived with it.
So why does it make me squirm?
I show up to everything I can, and try not to make excuses for staying home. I feel like other moms look at me like I am super mom or something and I know I'm not.
Every time I have something I should attend or even need to plan myself, I either:
1. Don't even let myeslf think about it(too much thinking creates some anxiety which is no bueno for me)
or
2. Do some serious self talk to get myself moving out the door
In the moment, while I'm there I have so many things going through my head. Kids are kids and they will act the part especially when they are one parent short. But that isn't what bothers me, it's the resentment. My husband has a ridiculous work ethic. If he is going to do something, he is going to do it right, and how do I show my appreciation? I constantly find myself in the struggle of loving him for it and resenting him for it. Why can't he just be like other husbands and dads with normal jobs and normal hours? Why do I have to deal with the kids alone? I wish he was here to take these screaming kids off my hands! Then I feel guilty because I know he's working and having his own struggles with being away from family and providing for us. The bottom line is I am no Supermom I take my kids to church and family activities by myself out of necessity. I have insecurities about it but when things are that important to you you just make the time.
We decided long before we had kids that we wanted them to have a strong background of faith and strong relationships with family. So, although my husband can't participate in carrying out the tasks that contribute, as much as he wants outside of the home, those priorities still stand. I'm not willing to make excuses for myself for not living up to the expectations we want as parents.
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I'm going to show up and be there for our kids, and even though it looks like I'm alone, I can push through those hard times mostly by relying on silent prayers to get me to the other side.
So, whatever you may be going through on your own, out of choice or by circumstance just keep going. Don't compare your journey to anyone elses. We are blessed, yes blessed, with trials that will make us stronger and help mold us into the people we are meant to be in this life.
Embrace the hardships,take breathers when necessary and keep your chin up, it gets better!
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